A Beautiful Mind
by APseudonimo
Summary: For the past 5 years Richard Castle has been following Detective Nikki Heat, or at least that's what he thinks. The truth is that, for the past 5 years Richard Castle has been on a Mental Health Hospital trying to cure his mild psychosis, product from the horrible car crash he survived.
1. Chapter 1

Hello!

This is a school project, our english teacher wanted us to write a story based on a book quote. I've decided to take it one one step further mixing Castle on that combination.

Well, it has nothing to do with the real story on Castle, but I won't tell you about it, you'll have to read and see.

Thanks to wolfergirl, my awesome beta :)

A.V

P.S: The quote line will make much more sense on upcoming chapter.

* * *

_"Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you've met them before?" _  
_― JoAnne Kenrick, When A Mullo Loves A Woman_

* * *

"How is he?" Alexis asked with a worried tone.

By now she was already familiar with the doctor's office decoration and furniture, as she had visited it twice per a week for almost 5 five years. The paintings on the walls, the plants on the window, the doctor's cologne smell. She could describe perfectly every single detail about of it.

Josh Davidson looked at the redhead with a serious face.

"Your father hasn't make made any progression at all. In fact, I believe he's getting worse and worse," he said, and his eyes drifting to his computer. He clicked an icon named R.A.C. "He still believes that he was sent to this hospital to keep him away from _Detective Heat,._" Dr. Davidson read Castle's file.

Alexis asked to see her father. A nurse came to take her through the hallways; rather unnecessary, since Alexis knew perfectly how to get there, she had been to that room more times than she could even count. As they walked, Alexis saw the other patients across through their open doors; some were sleeping, some were playing cards, some had visitors, but none of them looked happy at all. She guessed it was the whole hospital environment:, it was terribly depressing.

When they finally arrived to Castle's room the nurse repeated the rules to follow. Alexis already knew them by heart, but it was part of the protocol. Everything in the hospital was controlled by protocol. It was easy to understand why her father hated it that so much, but she didn't couldn't understand why didn't he try to get better and get out of that place. The nurse left the redhead's side to give her some father and daughter quality time.

Richard was looking through the window, his gaze lost somewhere over the horizon.

"Dad?" The the young woman murmured while knocking on the door.

Rick looked at her and smiled. Despite his grin, Alexis only saw the face of a restless and tortured man. Her heart broke when she compared the warm, funny man that had raised her to the one that was sitting in front of her. His eyes were swollen and red from crying and, his hair had started to turn gray, Richard Castle was definitely not happy in this hospital.

"Hey, Pumpkin," he said in a low voice tone. "I didn't expect to see you today."

"Your doctor called, he said you are still not trying to get better."

"I don't need to get better, Alexis," he said looking at her seriously. "I'm perfectly fine. I was perfectly fine before they put me in here, you know that."

Alexis sighed.

"It's all a conspiracy." His daughter had heard this theory over a hundred times. "I'm not sure why yet, but I think they want to keep me away from Nikki. Or they want to get back at my dad," he finished.

"Dad, you are here because you need to get your treatment," she said covering her eyes with a tired hand. "Not because of Nikki Heat, and definitely not because of Grandpa."

"You listen to me, Alexis. Your grandfather is a spy, a good one, and that's why they have me here. To make him suffer."

"Dad, Grandpa was a soldier. He died during the war in Vietnam," she explained. He looked at her, lost and angry at the same time.

"Is that what they want you to believe?"

"That's what Grams told me."

Castle stopped talking and went back to look through the window. From where Alexis was sitting, the whole situation was pretty depressing. Her father had been a famous writer on his best days. He was loved by some and hated by many, but he was the person that Alexis could always relay on. Until that car accident.

It had happened one night after one of his books signings. Castle and his late wife, Gina, were driving back home when a drunk driver hit their car. Gina had died on the spot, but her dad survived. Doctors had said that her dad was a lucky guy; at first Alexis thought so too, but as the time went by she started to realize that having him back like this was worse than not having him at all.

"Alexis, go and talk to Detective Heat," the former writer said after a while. "She'll tell you I'm right, she'll back up my story."

"Detective Heat is a product of your imagination, Dad," Alexis said with watery eyes.

"She is real!" Castle hit the table with his fist. He was not crazy, he could remember everything so vividly. "I've been following and helping her for more than four years. She is my girlfriend." Alexis couldn't hold the tears anymore.

"No she's not, Dad," she sobbed. "You had an accident four years ago, you were diagnosed with a mild psychosis and you have been in this room since then," the redhead ranted. Castle looked at her confused. "You haven't been shadowing any detective, that's all in your mind. You can't differentiate between what is real and what is fantasy unless you drink your pills and try to get better."

He opened his mouth to talk but she cut him off.

"No, Dad.. I don't want to hear about it." Alexis stood up and walked towards the door. "Instead of worrying so much of about a person, a product of your imagination, you should worry about real people, the ones that are worried about you. Grams retired from Broadway, because she couldn't handle it anymore after you were gone; I had no friends in high school nor I have now in college because I'm '_the loony's daughter_'."

It had been horrible. Alexis remembered all the names-calling during high school, coming home every day to find her grandmother crying, holding tight one of Richard's pictures tightly.

"Our lives ended the day you lost your mental health, and I wouldn't even care about it if I'd knew that you'd at least try to get better," the redhead added, holding the door knob firmly.

Without saying good-bye to her father, she left the room and closed the door behind her, resting her back against it. Tears came out of her eyes, she had no control over them. She was alone. First her mother had left them and now her father lived in an alternate reality. Was this part of growing up? When did her little perfect world become so up-side-down?


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! I never expected such a positive feedback with the follows, favorites, reviews or just by reading the story! It really surprised me.  
I wanted to update before, but school's been crazy this past days.

Anyway, here is 2nd chapter, I hope it will still be at your quality level.

Oh, and thanks to my beta, wolfergirl :)

A.V

* * *

A few days after she had had the harsh conversation with her father, Alexis had gotten an email from Dr. Davidson notifying her that her father had decided to cooperate and that he was doing better. The redhead however, had decided she needed to take some time off.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Kiddo?" her grandmother asked her when they got off out of the car.

One month had passed since the last time that Alexis saw or spoke to her father. She had left the hospital so angry and depressed, having abandoned all the hopes of getting her father back; she couldn't find the strength within her to meet him again, until now.

"Yes," Alexis replied without much emotion.

Truth was, she didn't want to meet her father. Alexis felt guilty for having said the things she said, but she also thought they were true. So if she apologized, it wouldn't be an honest apology; but if she didn't apologize, her dad could be hurt. And she couldn't afford hurting him and damaging all the progress he had made over the past weeks.

...

On the other side of the mental institution, Richard Castle was making his way into the common living room. He was excited to meet up with Alexis and show her how good had he been over the last month; he had followed the treatment and drank taken the pills he was given. He even started writing the bedtime stories he used to tell Alexis when she was little and to stop those horrible nightmares.

The writer looked around to find his mother and daughter sitting on a table, waiting for him. Castle didn't know how much he had missed them until he realized he hadn't seen them in a long time. Father and daughter exchanged looks before Alexis reached out and hugged him tightly. She whispered an 'I'm sorry,' as her father squished her.

Richard decided to take his visitors to the garden for a walk before he told them about his achievements. It was a beautiful day and there was nothing he wanted more than the fresh air tangling ruffling on his messy hair. The writer was so into his thoughts, that he almost bumped into a woman when he carelessly opened the door.

"Sorry, have we ever met before?" she asked quite confused, completely ignoring the fact that he had almost crashed into her.

Castle opened his eyes. A tall, slim, green eyed brunette. Of course they had met before, she was... He stopped his thoughts. No, that was an illusion and this woman was real. Or at least she looked real to him.

"I don't know - I had a car crash," he replied, trying to bring back his old humor. "Have we?"

"I have this a feeling, that I've seen you before."

"Maybe in another life," Castle replied. He definitely hoped so. She looked so lovely, like a piece of art. Her wavy hair fell perfectly over her black leather jacket. The writer was so taken away by the woman's beauty that he almost forgot about his guests.

"So, are you going to introduce us to your friend friend from another life, dear?" Martha said after a moment of silence, clearly interested in the woman.

"Oh; mother, Alexis, this is..." then the writer realized he didn't even know the stranger's name.

"Beckett, Kate Beckett," the brunette jumped in to save him.

"Nice to meet you, Kate. I'm Martha, and this is my granddaughter, Alexis,." Castle's mother said. "So, are you also a patient?"

"Oh, no," Kate replied with a heart-stopping smile that made Richard's heart melt. "I'm here to have a lunch with my boyfriend; he's a doctor here - Josh Davidson," she added raising a paper bag and smiling.

Kate's sincere explanation was followed by an uncomfortable silence. Martha's matchmaker plans had just failed epically spectacularly and Alexis didn't know how to end the awkward meeting.

"Speaking of lunch, Dad," she said drawing everyone's attention to her. "Dr. Davidson let us take you for lunch if you promised to take... er... you know, your stuff..." Alexis avoided using '_medication'_:, she didn't know if her father felt uneasy around the term.

"I have them!" Richard said tapping his jacket pocket happily. "Well, we'd should better get going!" he added smiling at the three women.

Castle didn't know what had just happened. He had seen the woman before, but only on the memories that everybody claimed that were fake and Kate looked so real. She couldn't just be a product of his imagination - she was too perfect to be. But then why did he have the feeling he had met her before?

They were already in the car when Richard gathered the courage to talk to Alexis and Martha about what had just happened.

"Just to clear things up," he started. "Did we all see Kate Beckett?"

Alexis looked at him with a puzzled look.

"Sometimes I have problems recognizing," he partially lied.

Sometimes he did have problems distinguishing differentiating his imagination from reality; especially when he didn't take his medications, although which wasn't the case today. But Kate had not only seemed, but had also felt real, more real than anything he had ever seen before and he wanted to set things straight.

"Well, yes. Kate Beckett was real, Dad," his daughter replied gently to his first question. It was weird, but at least he was trying to get better.

"And, have we ever seen her before?" he asked. Alexis and Martha shared looks.

"I'm afraid not, dear." The older woman replied. "Why?"

"Because that woman," Castle started. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue. "Reminds me of someone and I can't remember who."

He had chickened out at the last minute. But how couldn't he? Alexis looked so happy with his progress, and he couldn't risk going back to step one with his daughter. He loved her too much to live without her.

Alexis gave him a small smile.

"Don't worry, Dad," she assured him. "I'm sure you'll start to remembering the things you forgot and being able to tell illusion from reality in no time."

Richard Castle knew that Alexis was lying. Some of the memories he had lost were lost forever, and he'd probably depend on his pills forever in order to know what was real. But who could blame her for trying to make him feel better? After all he was hiding the truth from her due to the same reason: to protect the people you he loved.


	3. Chapter 3

'Sup, guys!

Here goes chapter 3, sorry if it's a little bit shorter.

Big thanks to my lovely beta, wolfergirl, who not only cares about my grammar but also about not hurting my feelings when correcting the drafts :)

Thanks for reading, following, favorite-ing, reviewing!

Enjoy,

A.V.

* * *

"I met one of your patients today," Kate told her boyfriend as they sat on a bench. "The one with the redhead daughter and mother."

"Oh, Richard Castle," he replied nonchalantly, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"THAT'S RICHARD CASTLE!?" Josh covered his ear. Kate Beckett would be the reason behind his deafness someday.

She would never admit it out loud, but she was a huge fan of Richard Castle. She had once waited for hours to get an autograph. Maybe that's why he looked familiar. He looked skinnier and more tired, though: definitely not the playboy he used to be.

"I can't tell you much about him, because of patient-doctor confidentiality," her boyfriend's voice brought her back to reality. "But I can tell you want happened that night."

Beckett stopped eating her sandwich to listen.

"Richard and Gina Castle were on their way home after a party," he started. "They were on a crossroad when out of nowhere a car appeared. A street camera recorded the crash. Castle had no alcohol in his blood, but we believe that he was having a fight with his wife."

"Why?" the homicide detective asked confused.

"Well, on the recording you could see that he was at a red light."

"So, he decided to run a light. That doesn't mean he was having a fight with his wife." Kate just loved how some people loved to jump to conclusions. 'Her husband hits her, she must deserve it'; 'she was raped, she must be a slut'; and now, 'he ran a red light, he must be having a bad day.'

"Look, Kate. I know you hold Castle in high esteem," Josh said. "But no one in their right mind would run a red light."

Kate decided to stay silent. Josh was not completely wrong, but he was also not completely right. It was late and Castle probably just wanted to get home after a long day, probably to see his daughter. It was common knowledge that after midnight, many people paid no attention to the lights.

"Why is he here?" she asked after a pause.

"I can't really tell you that," Josh replied.

Kate could sense that this was his superior moment, like he was the one holding the answers to all the secrets. More often than not it was Kate who held back the details of a case, frustrating him at the little information she would impart. But Kate knew how to get the information she wanted; she could make even the most secretive people talk. It was her job.

"C'mon, I won't tell anyone!" He looked at her, still in silence. "I'm starting to feel that you don't trust me. I tell you stuff about my job!"

Josh looked at her. She could see a little bit of guilt in his eyes, and felt a surge of success. After couple of seconds he agreed to tell her but she had to promise to never repeat a thing. 'That was way too easy,' the cop thought as she readily agreed.

"He's been having hallucinations since the crash," the doctor started talking, clearly enjoying it. "He was diagnosed with mild psychosis." Here, Josh stopped.

Kate nudged him to encourage him to continue - not that he needed encouraging: Josh Davidson loved to gossip.

"He thinks he's being shadowing this homicide detective, Nikki Heat, and helping her solve murders. He's believed it since the day he arrived." Josh smiled a little bit. "I must say, it's not normal for patients to have such an avid imagination. I guess his writer mind got mixed with his cuckoo one," he joked. Kate didn't laugh, prompting him to continue. "Anyway, he wasn't making any improvement – actually, he was getting worse."

"What made him change?" Beckett asked. He had looked almost normal today.

"His daughter's last visit. I don't know what the girl told him, but she definitely saved his life," Josh replied taking a last bite of his sandwich. "I was starting to believe that his mental health was almost as dead as his wife."

As always, Kate politely smiled at Josh's attempts to make a joke. They were never funny. This one was definitely cruel. Sometimes Kate wondered why she ended up dating a guy like him. He was everything she didn't like in a man.

"By the way," Josh started talking again. "I have this gala thing on Thursday, and I can't go alone. I mean, Josh Davidson without a date?"

"I'm on call, sorry." She replied almost by instinct, truth was she didn't want to be his arm candy.

"You don't want to go out with me?" He was amazed at the fact. As if he had lines of women wanting to date him and Kate was stupid to turn down the offer.

Kate didn't reply. Her thoughts switched to Richard Castle. If his mental state was as bad as Josh stated and only a talk with his daughter managed to make such an improvement - maybe with a wider supportive environment more could be achieved. His books had helped her go through a lot, and now he needed a friend, someone who would be there for him. That was the moment when Kate decided she'd do anything she could to help him in return. The problem was how.

Kate could see Josh's lips moving, clearly talking about something, but she was not paying attention anymore. Her mind was completely focussed on creating a plan through which she could get closer to Castle and start to help him. Josh had said that Richard believed that he was shadowing a detective, helping her solve murders. Maybe she could bring some old, already solved, files and let Castle figure them out, it was a long shot but it could work. After all, if he had been following an imaginary detective for nearly five years, he must know something about solving crimes.


	4. Chapter 4

Hola, people!

This chapter is somehow shorter, but I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the other ones.

Thanks for the awesome feedback! I can hardly believe you people like it so much. It really makes my day.

And thanks to my beta, thanks to her my stories are not in Tarzan-English :P

A.V.

* * *

Richard Castle stared at the paper in front of him. It was blank. Blank as his imagination was. Empty as his mind felt. It was a big nothing. Over the past weeks Castle had tried to start writing again but he had encountered one of the biggest writer's block he had had in his whole life.

Maybe it was because Gina was not around anymore. Pushing him to write. Getting angry about deadlines. He never realized how much impact Gina had on his life, or at least on his writing.

A knock on the door brought his thoughts to the blank paper. He stood up and opened his door. The blood in his veins froze.

"Nikki?" he muttered. The woman standing on the other side of the door raised an eyebrow.

"It's Kate," she said a little bit confused.

Richard could feel his body relaxing. It was Kate Beckett.

"Right, right." He ushered her in. "Dr. Davidson's girlfriend: I remember," the writer smiled.

Kate entered the room and immediately started studying it, a bad habit she had picked up from her job. The room was not warm, it didn't have any personal belongings, just a blackboard on which Castle had pasted a picture of him and his daughter.

"Who's Nikki?" Kate asked him. She knew who Nikki was - Josh had told her at their last lunch. But Castle didn't know that she knew, and she couldn't just say 'Hey! I know you have imaginary friends!' Besides, why did he call her Nikki? He clearly remembered her.

"No one." Kate could see that Castle was lying but she didn't comment on it.

It was understandable that Richard didn't trust her yet. Anyway, it just showed that Castle was not as mentally unstable as Josh said he was. Of course he was not going to say 'It's my imaginary girlfriend.' That would creep anybody out.

"What can I help you with?" Richard asked after a while.

"Oh, yeah." Kate realized she was just being weird. She gestured to an armchair by the wall. "Mind if I sit down?" He nodded. Kate sat and Castle followed her example.

The blank papers didn't go unnoticed by the woman.

"Writer's block?"

"You have no idea," he replied with a smile.

A comfortable silence filled the room.

"I don't know if you know," Kate was the first to speak. "I'm a homicide detective."

'Go, figure!' Castle thought. More similarities with Nikki Heat. Great, just great. As if his mind was not confused enough.

"So, you came here to tell me that?" the writer asked, confused. Kate smiled at him.

"No, actually. I need your help," she explained. His eyes filled with childlike joy. "There's this case I can't seem to solve."

"And you want my insight?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," Kate affirmed with determination. "Given your vast knowledge of murders I thought it might be useful," the detective added, handing him a folder.

He took it and started reading. For a moment Kate saw the writer she had met years ago at a book signing. Richard Castle was reading the file as happily as a five years old reads a comic book. Kate felt a bit guilty: she was lying to a sick guy. What kind of twisted person did that?

"I don't think this Elijah guy did it," Rick said once he was done reading the evidence Kate had given him. Kate was surprised.

She remembered when she had worked on that case. All the evidence pointed to Elijah, but at the end a small piece of information showed that Elijah was actually innocent. The thing was, that Castle didn't have that piece of information, so how could he know that Elijah was innocent?

"It's just too obvious," he explained. "It's clear that this is all staged. I mean, who's stupid enough to leave all this evidence behind?"

Kate felt a little bit offended by his statement, but she still was amazed at the agility Castle had with processing information.

"Are you sure?" he nodded. "Very well, I'll be heading to the precinct to see if we can find out something more."

"Detective?" Kate heard him say when she was leaving the room. She turned around to face him, waiting for the worst. "This was fun," Castle said.

Hearing that was a relief but looking at the grinning face of her favorite writer was the biggest reward she could ever get.

"Please do come again," he continued. "I get lonely sometimes."

Kate smiled from where she was standing. When Kate first thought of bringing old cases, she thought it would be good idea. But now that he had 'solved' his first case she realized that this might be exactly what he needed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5!  
Officially 5 chapters more than what I ever expected to publish!

I keep making the chapters shorter and shorter, I do apologize for that :/

Other than that, enjoy!  
And thanks, Alex! You're the best :)

* * *

Richard started up at the sun, its warmth filling his soul. But it was not only the sunny spring day that made him happy. It had been a good two months for Castle.

First he had agreed to start with the treatment, making Alexis proud with that decision. Now his daughter visited him every weekend, with Kate visiting him once a week as well, bringing him homicide cases and asking for his help.

Dr. Davidson had said his mental health was improving and if he continued with the treatment, he could be discharged in less than four months. Going back home to Alexis and his mother was the best thing he could wish for, despite the weekly check-up at the hospital.

The only thing that worried Richard was that he sometimes found himself missing the sexy fragment of his imagination that was Nikki Heat. It didn't matter how hard he tried to replace his Nikki memories, they didn't disappear.

"Uncle Rick! Uncle Rick!" The writer was brought back to reality by the voice of a little girl screaming his name. He turned to see two familiar figures. Clark and his daughter, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle ran towards him and jumped into his arms.

"Hey, little one," Castle greeted the girl with an enthusiastic hug. "How're you doing?"

The girl replied with a prompt 'fine' and ran off. Apparently the butterflies in the garden were more interesting than old Castle.

Clark had been one of Castle's best friends during elementary school. They had lost contact when they both entered in high school. It was not until after the car accident that both friends had reconnected. Clark had been visiting his mother who suffered from Alzheimer's when he had accidentally bumped into Richard. He still stopped by every once in a while, even after his mother died, to see how his friend was doing.

Clark was one of the few people Richard considered a true friend.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Clark," Rick said while they both sat on a bench.

Over the years Clark hadn't aged a bit. His hair was still black. His didn't have any wrinkles. It was like Clark had a magic spell for being forever young, or maybe he was a vampire; both theories worked for Castle.

Gabrielle didn't seem to grow either. When Castle first met the little girl she was seven years old, so that meant that she was around twelve years old now. Castle tried to remember if it took Alexis so long to grow into a young lady but failed in his attempt. That had been a life time ago, at least it felt like that. His and Alexis's lives had changed so much since his little pumpkin was 12.

"Yeah, we had some problems," his friend shared "but we're doing fine now."

"What kind of problems?" Rick asked curiously, coming back from his thoughts.

"Someone tried to... you know... erase me," Clark explained. Richard's friend was living a dream: he was a spy.

Of course Clark didn't think it was as dreamy as Rick thought it was. The job came with a lot of dangers, being 'erased' was the biggest threat to a spy. Anyone who has seen the Bourne movies could agree with that. The thing Clark liked the least about his job was the constant risk Gabrielle was exposed to. Once, Clark had had to hide the little girl in a basement for a month because his enemies had delivered serious threats to him.

"What about you?" his friend asked.

"I started working with the NYPD," he said proud.

"With Nikki?" Clark was the only person, besides Castle, who agreed that Nikki was real.

"No. I met another detective," the writer explained. "A real one."

"They finally convinced you that Nikki's not real, huh?" his friend sighed. Did he sound disappointed?

"I started the treatment," Castle said pleased.

"I can't believe you finally agreed!" the spy exclaimed. But instead of sounding happy like Alexis had sounded, his tone was angry. What was his problem? "You gave up! Do you think Nikki would have given up on you?"

"Nikki Heat is not real, she is a product of my imagination," Richard tried to explain. Maybe Clark was angry because he actually lived in a world full of conspiracy where being put in a mental asylum could actually be part of a malevolent plan. But not Castle; he was a regular writer with no 'proper' enemies.

"I seriously can't believe this." His friend stood up and called his daughter over. "What's next? They'll tell you Gabrielle and I are part of your imagination. They'll make you betray us too. What will you do then?"

"You don't understand-" Rick started speaking a little bit louder, but was interrupted by Clark.

"I do understand. You were brainwashed, and I am sorry for you."

Without another word, Clark left. Rick turned to see them leave. Gabrielle looked at him sadly and waved while her father dragged her behind him. Castle walked towards his room with his fists clenched. He was angry and confused. Clark was supposed to be his friend. Why couldn't be happy for him?


	6. Chapter 6

I don't know if you guys noticed that the site was not working properly for a while, which was exactly the time during which I updated last time.  
So make sure you read chapter 5. Best way to know it, do you know who Clark is? If the answer is yes, then you are up to date. If the answer is not, then you didn't read the last chapter

I have nothing to else to, other than thank Alex, my beta, and everyone that reads, comments, follows and favorites.  
I love you guys! - but you all already knew that, right?

A.V.

* * *

"I see you have a new interior designer," Castle heard someone say. He was sitting on his bed: his head on rested on his hands, and he didn't raise it to see who had entered his room.

His room was destroyed. Castle wasn't usually the violent type but he had lost it after his conversation with his friend. He was so angry at Clark. The writer had come back to his room and vented his frustration on the furniture. He had brandished the pillows, their feathers now all over the place. A broken glass laid on the floor, destroyed from when Castle had thrown it against the wall.

"Castle, what happened?" His eyes met with Kate's. He was ashamed of his actions. Ashamed that she found him in that state.

"I had a fight with a friend," the man explained without giving away too much detail.

"So you threw some pillows and a glass at him?" the cop asked. She was worried, but Castle couldn't figure out why. She was either worried that he was an aggressive man or that he had hurt someone.

"No," he picked up the broken glass. "We talked at the garden. After we were done I came here and lost it."

"Is this the first time you've done this?" she asked, seemingly sympathetic. He nodded.

Great. Now Kate would probably tell her boyfriend. And that meant bye-bye to being discharged. The detective didn't say anything, instead walking around picking feathers from the floor and stuffing them back inside the pillows.

"Are you going to tell Dr Davidson?" he asked after a while. Truth be told, he was panicking at the idea of losing all his progress.

"Everyone is allowed to fall sometimes, Castle." Beckett stood still, holding one pillow on her hands.

The writer looked at her in shock - the good type of shock. Kate Beckett was one remarkable woman.

"You're going through a lot," the cop explained. "You didn't hurt anyone. So, as long as you promise me you won't do it again, it'll be our little secret."

Castle grinned at her. He liked the thought of sharing a secret with her, it was like they had some kind of connection.

"So, are you here with another case?" he asked eagerly.

"No," she said to Castle's disappointment. "I came here to talk to you."

He suddenly felt uneasy. What did Kate want to talk about? Did she find out about Nikki? Was she freaked out about it? And to top that, she had entered to a destroyed room, the product of his rage. She clearly noticed his expression because she rapidly added,

"Can't a friend talk to a friend without needed something in return?"

So, Kate considered him a friend? Just the thought of it excited him. He felt lonely sometimes. Sure Alexis was always involved in his life, but he needed someone he could talk freely. And by the looks of their last conversation, he didn't think Clark would be coming any time soon.

The only thing that bothered Castle was why Beckett was being so nice to him. He understood that Alexis, his mother and Clark were supportive; after all, they were his family and friends. But Kate had met him after the crash, after he went crazy. Why would someone try to help a complete stranger in his situation?

"What's bothering you, Castle?" the brunette asked, as though she were reading his thoughts.

The writer thought about her question and the answer. He tried to sugarcoat it, to salvage the growing friendship, but it seemed his mouth just wanted to get it out.

"Why are you helping me?" he asked bluntly.

Kate looked him straight in the eyes. He tried to figure out the message behind her hazel eyes. She knew what telling the truth meant, it meant opening up to a stranger. Then again, Castle was not a stranger. And for some strange reason she felt safe around him. After thinking about her answer for a while she replied.

"When my mom died your books helped me through a lot." She kept her eyes fixed on the writer's face. Kate Beckett was not the shy kind of woman, and she did not stare at the floor when making a confession. "I guess it's just my way of thanking you."

Castle looked at her with new eyes. Kate never told him anything about her life other than the fact that she was a homicide detective and that she was Dr Davidson's girlfriend, so hearing her open up to him felt tried to ignore the part of him that kept saying 'More similarities with Nikki!' so he started talking about something else.

Kate silently thanked that Castle didn't ask about her mother's death. She didn't like talking about how her mother's murder had affected her life.

The afternoon flew by without them noticing. By the time a nurse notified them that visiting hours were over, Castle and Beckett had already discussed their favorite Marvel and DC comics superheroes and which movies adaptations where the best.

"Kate," he said before she left the room. The cop turned to face him. "Thanks for being a friend."

"Always," she said with that smile that he loved.


	7. Chapter 7

For the first time in 4 chapters, I passed 1000 words! I'm proud. And I really like how this chapter turned out to be, hope you people will like it as well!

Anyway, thank you all for the positive feedback and to Alex for being my beta!  
And speaking of my awesome beta; Alex and I started writing a fanfic together. It's called Queen of Thieves, it's Castle à la Robin Hood, don't forget to check it out. You can find it on my profile - Yeah, I'm promoting ourselves with out shame :D

Hugs,

A.V

* * *

The weather reflected how Kate felt. It was cloudy, windy and cold, like it usually is before a thunderstorm. The detective had been working on a case that just seemed impossible to solve. She had invested a ridiculous amount of time on it and still couldn't figure it out.

In her desperation she decided to do something almost crazy; ask Castle. It wasn't like it was the first time she was showing a case file to the writer; but it was the first time it was an open case and that made her feel uneasy.

With the case file in one hand and lunch in the other she stepped out of the car, Kate had skipped breakfast and she was craving for some food. The detective started walking towards Richard's room - she already knew the way by heart, having visited Castle more times then she could count over the past months.

"Kate!" She heard a voice calling her. "What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you."

She turned to see her boyfriend, and smiled at him.

"Josh," the brunette greeted him. "Yeah, no," she didn't know how to explain herself. She had never told Josh she was visiting Castle at least one a week.

"I already had lunch," he said, not paying any attention at her struggle. "You know I eat at half past one."

"Actually," Kate found the words to say. "I'm here to see Richard Castle."

Josh looked at her confused, as if it was impossible that his girlfriend would visit someone other than him.

"How come?" the doctor asked. Kate couldn't figure out if his voice was curious or angry.

"He's been helping me with cases," she explained.

"So, you don't let me assist you," he remarked. Now it was clear he was mad. "Yet you let a mentally unstable man do it."

Kate nodded. She knew there was no point in explaining the reasons to Josh, or trying to make him understand. In Josh's eyes he was the most perfect and capable person on earth, and not asking for his help was a sign of stupidity.

"As his doctor, I don't think that's good," Josh stated. Always giving unwanted opinions_._

"Thanks for the input," Kate snapped. She sighed. "I'll call you when I'm done with this case, ok?"

She didn't want to start fight with Josh, but she had had a couple of terrible days and she didn't feel like tolerating Josh's narcissistic attitude at the moment. His childish jealousy made her head thump as she carried on in the direction of Castle's room.

Kate didn't know why but lately Josh's personality had started to irritate her. It was not like it has changed; he had always been like that. Maybe she hadn't cared before because she didn't have anyone to compare Josh to, but now that Castle was in the picture it was evident that her boyfriend had some attitude problems. Josh lacked that empathy that doctors should have and Rick had an excess amount of it.

Talking to Rick felt good, it was even therapeutic for her. Plus, Rick was so easy going. With him everything was fun - too much fun sometimes. But Kate needed someone like that. It was a relief to meet with him after a hard day at the precinct; he'd joke around and make funny remarks about everything. With Josh it was different: her boyfriend was all work, no play. Some days it was frustrating.

Castle opened the door a few seconds after she knocked. He was surprised to see her, but not in the same way Josh was surprised. Anyone could tell he was pleased to have this unexpected guest.

"Kate!" the writer said with a smile, eyes lighting up. "You look..."

"Like hell?" Beckett finished his sentence, knowing he was too much of a gentleman to say something so bluntly.

"I was going to say tired, but that works as well," Castle joked and a small smiled appeared on Kate's face. It was as simple as that. Castle could make her feel so much better with just one sentence.

Kate entered into his room with no invitation, not that she really needed one. She felt at home when she was in his room. Maybe what made it feel like home was Richard; the writer was definitely friendly and kind.

"I haven't slept properly in a while," she started to explain. "We have this really messed up case, and I can't figure it out."

Kate handed the papers to Rick. He left them on the table and hugged her. She stood still as her heart started beating faster, the hug shocking her. But the warmth of Rick's body against hers slowed her heart rate and made her feel comfortable in no time; soon the cop found herself hugging the writer back.

"Why don't you rest for a while," Castle said letting go of her. She found herself missing the warmth of his body and his arms around her. "I'll read the case and wake you up if I have any ideas."

For a second Kate thought of refusing. She didn't want to give him all the work, especially since this was the first time he'd actually work on a real unsolved murder. But her eyes started closing and her body was getting heavier and heavier.

She laid on his bed and turned onto her side. Her eyes were shut but she was still awake. She wondered what would be like to go home to Castle. How would he greet her after a tough day? How would he wake her up every morning?

'Ok, you need to stop there,' she silently talked to her thoughts. 'You have a boyfriend. Behave.'

Her thoughts were silenced by the blanket Castle put over her. The detective smiled to herself. Kate Beckett wasn't always sure about things, but right then, nothing seemed better than the thought of one day coming home to Richard Caste.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, here we go!

I know you guys want the chapters to be longer, I'm awed by the fact that you want to read more about my story; but I simply can't make them longer :/ and I rather have 900 good words than 7000 bad ones... So, sorry for my short chapters, I do hope you like the plot though!

Thank you, Alex for being my beta!  
And thank you all for being awesome!

A.V.

* * *

Kate walked into Dr Davidson's office with a determined look in her eyes. She knew she wouldn't regret the decision she was about to make. She didn't know how it took her so long to finally realize that her relationship with Josh was stuck in reverse.

"You wanted to talk?" the doctor said, without raising his eyes from the computer.

Kate sat in front of him.

"There is no easy way of saying this..." she started. Those words caught his attention, because his eyes drifting from the screen to her. His unwavering gaze made her feel uncomfortable: she idly wondered if his patients felt the same when they were sitting where she was.

Castle had never said anything against Josh, but Kate suspected he was not a fan of the doctor. Maybe he was too polite to talk bad about her boyfriend negatively in front of her.

"I think it's time to go our separate ways." Her words echoed on the walls of the doctor's office. He looked at her, and for the first time since she met him Josh Davidson was speechless.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked after a while. She nodded. "May I ask you why? I mean, it's not like you have a lot of suitors," Josh kept on talking - so much for being a gentleman. "And if you did, I still think I'm the best you'll ever get."

"That, right there," she replied harshly. "You are so full of yourself and I can't do this anymore. ," Kate said after a while. "When I hear your voice, it's just noise."

When Kate first entered to Josh's office she had had a friendly break-up on her in mind. But he was pushing her buttons. She saw his lips moving, talking about, but she could only hear noise.

"I'm really sorry, Josh." Her sincerity was clear in every word. "But we are done."

The cop stood up before Josh could add anything or before she lost the control she had over the situation.

"Kate," she heard him say as she exited the room. She turned to look at him.

He didn't look hurt or sad. His face didn't show the slightest sign of emotion.

"I think it'd be better if you stopped visiting Castle." Kate looked at him shocked.

"Are you forbidding me to see a friend?"

"No, I am advising you to stop visiting my patient."

Beckett couldn't believe what she had just heard, but she didn't fight back. She knew it wasn't the wise thing to do. It didn't matter what she said or did, Josh wouldn't change his decision about letting her come and visit Rick.

"Can I at least say goodbye to him?" she asked and the doctor nodded, returning to his computer.

She closed the door behind her and leant against it. Her heart was broken. She knew it wasn't because of the break-up but because Josh had forbidden her to see Castle, at least while he was in the clinic.

Kate found that she was angry at herself. How didn't she guess that something like this would happen? Why didn't she think of it before? Why hadn't she kept her relationship with Josh until Richard was discharged? Because she was selfish, that was the reason. Now she wouldn't be able to visit Castle, she wouldn't be able to help him. Just because she got bored of Josh's attitude.

The feeling of guilt grew in her as she walked towards Richard's room. What was she supposed to say to him? How should she explain that she'd not see him until he was completely cured?

Castle's door was open. She entered in silence and looked would be the last time she'd enter in that room – that sanctuary. Her thoughts couldn't help but to depress her. She felt so good in this place, and now she had lost it forever.

"Why, but if it isn't Detective Beckett," Richard greeted her with a smile that broke her heart. "What can I do for you?"

"I have bad news," the cop started. "Josh and I broke up." For Castle that was clearly not a bad news because his smile got broader, but then his expression changed.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Kate admitted. "The only problem is that I won't be able to visit you anymore." Her voice broke.

He sat on his chair, shocked by the news.

"Why?" Rick inquired.

"Josh told me to stop visiting _his patient_."

Castle's grip tightened. She sat in the chair next to him and took his fists within her hands. There was no use on getting angry, and Kate knew that deep inside Castle was aware of that too. With her thumbs she caressed his clenched hands, which slowly relaxed.

"I'll miss you," he sighed

"Not for long." She smiled at him. "If you keep going with your treatment, Josh will discharge you in less than a month, and then we can meet again."

It was then she got lost in Castle's eyes. His beautiful, big, blue eyes. They were full of emotion; not only with sadness, anger and discontent, but also with hope, trust and kindness. She would miss those eyes the most.

"Well, I should get going before Josh calls security on me." Kate stood up.

Castle walked her to the door and before she left, he gave her a hug. He hugged her tight, not wanting to let her go. She didn't want him to. They stood like that for a while, her fingers caressing his back and his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Why do I feel like I'll never see you again?" he asked, still hugging her. She broke the hug apart and looked him straight into the eyes one more time.

"That's because you have an over creative imagination," Kate joked with a sad smile. "We'll see each other again, Richard Castle. I promise."

She opened the door and started walking down the hall.

"Kate!" She heard Castle calling her name. She turned to see him. He was waving from his door, few meters separating them. "See you on the other side."

Beckett couldn't stop herself laughing. And there it was, Castle making her day better, as usual.

"I've always wanted to say that," he explained, grinning.

"I bet you did," Kate replied mostly to herself and started walking with a smile on her face.

Even though she was sure she'd see him again, her heart was devastated. Too many emotional situations on one day - make that a week. She couldn't wait to get home and sleep. But mostly, she couldn't wait for Castle to be free.


	9. Chapter 9

To Monika,  
who finally decided to be a good friend and read my fanfic. And who I'll make suffer with my updates from now on :)

* * *

The weeks passed more slowly without Kate visiting him, but Rick didn't let it bring him down. He knew that as long as he'd improved his mental health, he'd be out of this place faster. That was the only thought that kept him going. It was the little ray of hope to which he held onto and wouldn't let go.

Josh Davidson had recognized his positive attitude towards the treatment as well. Castle didn't know if Josh resented him and blamed his breakup on the writer, but what he did know was that Josh wanted to get him out of his sight as eagerly as he wanted to get out of the clinic.

With time Castle started recognizing traits his old self again. He remembered how determined he was when he wanted something. He started joking again: he even began a stand-up comedy group in the institute.

Josh monitored his progress, half proud, half resentful. He knew what Castle's motivation was: his ex-girlfriend. A part of him wanted to leave Castle in the institution for life, to refuse to discharge him - maybe he could state that his patient was dangerous to society. The other part was ashamed of those thoughts, and believed that Castle didn't have anything to do with the breakup. The only one to blame was Kate - who could leave _him_? She must be crazy. Josh knew she'd eventually return to him.

But the days passed and Kate didn't come, either to sneak in and visit Castle or to beg for Josh's forgiveness.

"Rick," Josh said one day. "Some med students are coming today. They're going to talk to you."

"Why would med students want to speak with me?" the writer asked, confused.

"They have a course called psychological medicine," Josh explained. "They need to come and act as though they were therapists."

"Sounds fun. What do I need to do?"

"One of them will be your therapist," Josh continued. "He'll ask you the things I usually ask you and you'll reply like you usually do."

Even thou Rick knew that Josh hadn't ask for his help, but rather demanded his presence, he was pretty excited. Without counting Alexis, he hadn't talked to anyone from the outside world in more than a month.

The students were already in the small room when Castle entered. They all went silent while Castle closed the door behind him. The future doctor who would interrogate him introduced himself as Thomas Leninger. He was in his mid-20s, blonde, and had green eyes. Alexis would probably like him, Castle thought idly.

Tom asked the basic questions. Rick actually felt more comfortable talking to him than to Josh. The environment was cozy and the conversation flowed naturally. Then the questions went a little bit deeper, becoming more private and meaningful.

"Are you afraid of dying?" The writer guessed that the student asked that given the fact that he had almost died in the accident.

Castle knew some people developed a phobia to death if they had had a close encounter with it. He also knew that some people suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after a traumatic event, such as his car accident. Especially since his late wife had died in it.

But he did not suffer from any of them. He couldn't remember anything from the crash. The paramedics had told him that he was awake when Gina died, but it was like his brain had deleted those memories. Josh had explained to him that sometimes the brain chose to forget painful memories. It saddened him; not because he couldn't remember Gina's still corpse, but because those were the last minutes he had with his wife and he couldn't remember them.

"No," he said after a while. "Sometimes I think I'd like if someone would kill me." There was sincerity in his voice tone, everyone could feel it. He started to explain himself. "It's not that I'm not grateful for what I have, it's just that it seems like the only way I could escape from my fate without feeling I let someone down." He sensed his body getting tense.

He hadn't realize about that before. Remembering the look on Alexis's face when she discovered that her father was a failure had broken his heart. He didn't want to see that expression on his daughter's face ever again, but the treatment was so frustrating sometimes. He was afraid of hurting her again. That was the reason why he wouldn't mind dying.

Sure, Alexis would be devastated at first but then she'd get over the grief and become even stronger than before. If he stayed alive, his daughter would have to constantly face the embarrassment her father was. Even if he got discharged now, Castle knew that there were huge chances of him starting to hallucinate again, and he didn't want Alexis to be present when that happened. Those thoughts ate his soul every day.

"What are you thinking about?" The voice of the med student interviewing him brought his attention back to the room.

"My daughter."

"Is she supportive?"

"More than I could ever thank her for." Alexis was the reason why he was on treatment, she was the reason why he'd soon be released. She was the reason why he had started living again. She and Kate.

"Dr Davidson said that you'll be out soon," Tom pointed out. "What will you do when you're back in the real world?"

"I'll start writing again."

"Will you bring Derek back to life?" the student asked with excitement. He was definitely a fan.

"Now you sound like a reporter," Rick joked. All the students laughed. "But no, Storm is dead. I think it's time for a new story with new characters."

Even if he hadn't had that car accident, even if Gina would still be alive and bothering him over a deadline, he'd never bring Derek Strom back. He and Derek had had a good run, but it was time for something innovative, something completely different.

"Do you have anything in mind?"

"Not yet," Castle lied with a smile.

He knew exactly on who he would base his next hero on. He had known for a while now.

* * *

So, who will Castle base his next character on? Kate Beckett, Nikki Heat? Both? Thoughts? :D


	10. Chapter 10

We reached 100 followers! Wiiii :) Thank all of you!

Em, I don't know if I'll be able to update weekly since I'm starting with my exams' period so I don't know when I'll have time to write, I'll do my best.

Nothing else to say :)

* * *

Richard Castle walked down the empty and dark hallways with his belongings stored in a suitcase; he always complained about how depressing they were, but now he felt like they identified him. They were a part of his life, unlit and desolated; they reflected all those years he had been in here.

The writer continued walking with a confident air. He had dreamed of this day since day one. None of the other patients came to say bye, but truth was that Castle didn't have friends in the institution. First he had been reclusive, avoiding all possible contact with others since he believed they were all part of a big plot against him and Nikki. Later, when he started the treatment he didn't have time to socialize as he was too busy trying to get back to his real life.

Alexis was waiting for him at the entrance to the institution, looking radiant. Tired, but radiant. She was definitely proud of her father.

After five years of ups and downs, of medications and treatments, of being constantly drugged against or under his consent, he was able to go home. Richard couldn't remember the last time he had felt so excited.

The writer reached the doorway, where he hesitated. Castle hadn't been in the outside world except for that lunch he had had with his daughter and mother a couple of months ago. But that was a completely different situation, because he had returned after the lunch to the mental hospital; now he wouldn't come back to his comfort zone. He would have to stay out in the cold and lonely world.

"I - I can't do it," he whispered full of trepidation. Alexis looked at him sympathetically.

"Dad, I know it must be scary," she said walking towards him to lay a comforting hand on his arm. "But I also know that this is something you have wanted for a long time."

"I don't want it anymore," Castle held his suitcase tight to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut.

"C'mon, Dad." Alexis grabbed his arm. "You'll have to get used to the world again sooner or later."

But Castle didn't move, even when Alexis pulled him gently. The fear had paralyzed him. His sight was fixed on the horizon and his thoughts were elsewhere. Why hadn't he thought about this before? No, he couldn't do it. The institution was part of him, and he was part of the institution. He panicked a little bit as the anxiety started to grow in his body. All the excitement he had felt before turned into fear. Fear of the unknown, fear to face the changes, fear of life.

"Dad, do you want to stay?" Alexis asked, watching him carefully. He let out a breath, focussing on her face, concern radiating off her. "If you stay, you can't see Grams. You can't see Kate. You want to see Kate, don't you, Dad?" Castle gave a small nod.

Kate. The reason why the time passed faster, the reason why the last weeks had felt like a day.

He met Alexis's unwavering gaze. Kate was out there, in the real world, the world that scared him so much. She could be his solid ground, his north star, his guide in the dangers ahead. She had been so good to him while he was in the institute, why would it be different now that he was out?

His heart had been numb for so long, but when Kate was around he could feel it begin to beat again.

Castle's arms relaxed and he started to walk slowly towards the car. The light – the real, warm, no longer artificial light – made him squint as he followed his daughter. Alexis grabbed the suitcase and put it in the backseat of the car while Castle made himself comfortable in the passenger seat.

"So," Alexis said once she was inside the car. "Are we really doing this?" Castle nodded and a smiled appeared on his daughter's face.

Alexis started the engine without a second thought and drove towards the exit. The redhead waved at the gatekeeper and drove out of the institution, his _house_ for the past five years. He turned around to see the mental hospital for a last time. Even if he had to come back for weekly check-ups, he felt like a new person.

Richard Castle was a free man. He could hardly believe it.

Johnny Cash was playing on the radio. The perfect soundtrack to the start of his new life. He opened the window and felt the wind on his face. He was done being the lonely soul that was part of the old Rick.

Maybe there was a hope for him. Maybe he could do this. Maybe the world would wait as he found his feet. His life was much better, and it had only just begun.


	11. Chapter 11

So, I managed to write chapter 11 :) I don't know when I'll write chapter 12 though, sorry if it takes a while!

Thank you, Alex! for always making time for me.

A.V

* * *

The doorbell echoed in Castle's almost empty apartment. It confused him - the writer was not expecting anyone. Ever since he came back home he had refused to have guests over; only James Patterson, Michael Connelly and Stephen Cannell had visited him once or twice for their usual poker nights. Other than that, he had been busy planning his next series. He had built the timeline for the first book but he hadn't manage to find a name for the main character.

He opened the door and a relieved smiled appeared on his face. Rick was surprised because he had never told her where he lived; maybe she found it out: after all she was a detective. Anyway, having her visiting was always a pleasant surprise.

"Kate!" Richard greeted her with a hug.

"Who the fuck is Kate?" she demanded. A part of Castle started panicking but he managed to stay relaxed.

"Nikki..." he muttered.

Nikki kissed him on the lips and entered without an invitation, not that she really needed it. She had been in his house so many times. Before he went to the mental hospital she had visited him almost every day.

_The mental hospital_.

He thought of his days back at the institution, what he had done and what he had learned. Shaking his head, Rick closed the door and followed Nikki to his office. She was not real, he reminded himself. But their kiss had felt so real! He subconsciously touched his lips with his fingers.

"I'm losing my mind," he let out, brushing his hair and scratching the back of his head.

"I bet it has to do with that Kate woman," Nikki said while she scrutinized his office. "This place hasn't changed since the last time I was here."

It hadn't. He had also acknowledged that the minute he had walked in. Alexis had managed to keep everything in its place for five years.

"What are you doing here?" the writer asked politely.

"I came to see you, Rick," the woman replied without making eye contact. She was too preoccupied with analyzing his ship collection.

Nikki took one of the swords that Rick had in his office and started waving it around. He knew that she had never practiced the sport, but her movements looked so perfect, like if she had an innate ability for fencing.

"I've missed you," she said, placing the sword back in its place. "But our love is stronger than a conspiracy against us." She walked towards him and caressed his cheek.

She looked at him and the warmth in her eyes felt so real.. Her lips were so inviting. They had an inexplicable chemistry. Rick held the hand that Nikki had placed on his cheek and covered it with his own.

"You need to go, Nikki," he said softly. The look in her eyes hurt him, and he tried to backtrack. "I'm in the middle of something," the writer added, trying to alleviate the pain in Nikki's eyes.

"I see..." she sighed, freeing her hands from his and gazing at his plot timeline.

Nikki looked at him with teary eyes but didn't shed a tear. She was a strong woman, or at least that was what she wanted everyone to believe. Without sharing her thoughts, she grabbed her jacket and left the loft, leaving Castle with no other company than his thoughts and doubts.

The sound of the door closing brought him back to reality. He didn't realize how warm the loft was, which was odd considering that the day outside was rainy and cold.

Then things got worse. The writer started feeling a choking sensation that didn't let him breathe properly. His hands got sweaty and they started shaking. Rick knew it was only a panic attack, but it was too intense to stop it by himself.

He ran towards the kitchen to get his meds. Josh had gave him some pills before he left the mental hospital; he was only supposed to take them in case of emergency. This was definitely an emergency. He took two out and swallowed them dry.

Rick sat in a chair and leaned on his elbows on the kitchen table trying to clear his mind and waiting for the pills to have some effect on his body. He breathed deeply to calm his breathing. Then his eyes got fixed on an object; his cell phone. What was Kate's precinct again? 12th? No, that was Nikki's.

He thought harder. 21st! Kate worked at the 21st precinct.

Thank God Alexis had taught him how to browse on the internet with his new smart-phone; in less than one minute he had googled and found the precinct's phone number. He loved this technology.

His heart beat faster with each _beep _he heard. The phone ringed a couple of times until finally someone picked up.

"21st precinct, what can I do for you?" the cop said.

"Could you put Detective Beckett on the phone?" Castle asked trying to sound calm.

"Detective Kate Beckett?" the man on the phone repeated.

"Yes, homicide department." The writer gave more details about the person he wanted to contact.

"No one called Kate Beckett works at our homicide department, sir."

"There has to be a mistake," Castle said confused. "I know she works there, she told me!"

Rick heard the man on the other side of the phone line asking someone about Kate Beckett. There was a silence and then more talking. Castle couldn't hear what they were talking about, but after a while the same cop he was talking to started talking again.

"Positive, sir," the cop said. "Can I do anything else for you?"

"No, thank you," he said and hanged up.

Suddenly, Rick felt an intense wave of fear take over his emotions. He kept hearing the cop's voice saying 'No one called Kate Beckett works at our homicide department'. Over and over again. His heart was now pounding rapidly, it felt like it would break through his chest.

There was no one named Kate Beckett. What if she was also a product of his imagination? What if Nikki was real and Kate was a hallucination? What if his time at the institution had really been part of a conspiracy to make him forget Nikki and make him believe Kate was real?

The kitchen started spinning around him and he started feeling sick.

He reached for his medication once more and took two extra pills. Then he picked up his phone and looked for a name. A person that would understand him - Clark. Last time they had talk it ended in a fight, but Clark had always been a good friend. Rick was sure that his friend had already forgiven him.

"This is Clark speaking." Rick recognized his friend's voice talking though the device.

"I need a friend," he gasped.

The writer heard his friend saying something but he didn't manage to understand the words. He just felt his head hit the floor before everything went black.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry I didn't upload yesterday, my beta and I had some health problems :P

Anyway, here is chapter 12!

Thanks as always for awesome positive feedback!  
And thank you, Alex, for changing all my 'look' and 'smile' into synonyms, what would I do without you?

Also, I'm entering in finals so I don't know when I'll be able to update.

Hugs,

A.V

* * *

"Dad!" He felt someone shaking him softly. Rick made an inaudible sound, his eyes still shut.

Castle could sense that someone had lifted his legs and was holding them almost at a right angle. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked couple of times before his eyes got used to the light. Alexis was knelt next to him, and she looked worried. Ever since Castle got discharged from the Mental Institute, Alexis had insisted on moving in with him, as though she feared for his health.

The person that was holding his legs up was another familiar face. He smiled at Castle while the writer's mind tried to pinpoint where he had seen this person. Did he had some kind of amnesia now? Where had he met this twenty-something guy? His blond hair didn't tell him anything more, but his green eyes told him that they had met before.

Still determined to identify the man in front of him, Castle lowered his legs and tried to sit up properly. Alexis stopped him by putting her hands on his shoulders.

"You fainted," she explained as if he hadn't realized that from the beginning.

"I'm fine."

"We saw you hit your head, Dad," Alexis said, eyes dull with fatigue.

This Alexis was so different to the one he had before the accident. It had been five years but Alexis looked like she had aged ten. His stomach burned with anger. He had done this to his only daughter, he had took taken away the best years of her life. She had finished her teen years and entered into her twenties floating between hospitals and mental institutions, it was no life for a kid. No child should ever have had to live what Alexis had.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine," Richard repeated. He didn't want her to waste any more of her time in hospitals. "I just had a little panic attack."

"Panic attacks rarely finish in fainting," the smart-ass guy said making Alexis even more worried. There was something about his voice that rang a bell in Castle's brain.

The stranger took a penlight out of his pocket and started doing the movements that Castle had seen in movies a million times in order to check Richard's eyes. Then it hit him. The smart-ass guy was Thomas Leninger. The student that had interviewed him a couple of weeks ago.

Where had Alexis and Thomas met, though? Because as far as he could remember, she did not visit him the day that Thomas was in the mental institute.

"He's ok," Thomas concluded.

"You don't have to be a med student to know that," Castle thought rolling his eyes.

"Sit slowly," his daughter said while she helped him raise his back and lean against one of the kitchen cupboards. "Who were you talking to on the phone?" Alexis asked.

"A friend," he replied, trying not to give too much of Clark's information, while Alexis looked through his log call.

"The police?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

Castle looked at her in confusion so Alexis showed him his phone's screen. The last call he had made was to the 21st precinct. That was strange. He could clearly remember calling Clark. He remembered him answering the phone. He remembered Clark saying that he'd come to the loft. But Clark was not in the loft. Maybe when he saw Alexis and Thomas he decided to leave. Maybe he did not come at all.

"I was looking for Beckett," he lied.

"Dad, I saved Beckett's number," she replied. "It's under '12th precinct'. See?" Alexis showed him the screen once again.

12th precinct? He was one hundred percent sure that it was Nikki who worked on at the 12th precinct. The writer started feeling dizzy again, so he closed his eyes and rested his head against the furniture he was already leaning on.

"I think we should take him to the hospital," Alexis told Thomas.

"There is really no ..." the med student started replying but quickly shut up when he saw Alexis's glare.

"I'll go get him a jacket," she stated, standing up. "You help him to the door."

Alexis exited the room leaving the two men alone in the kitchen. Castle opened his eyes and looked at him with empathy. He knew that in all relationships, the man had the last word, and it was always 'yes, honey.'

"Look, son," the writer smiled at the med student. "I'll teach you a life lesson, something that took me two marriages and an imagined relationship to understand." He placed a hand on Thomas's shoulder and added: "Never contradict a woman."

Thomas received the advice with a smile of his own and helped him to stand up. He was already feeling much better, he probably had an overdose reaction. But if Alexis needed a doctor to reassure her, then so be it.

The ride to the hospital was silent. Thomas was driving, Alexis sat next to him and constantly looking backwards to see how her father was doing. Castle tried to smiled at her every once in a while to let her know that he was ok. He was terribly tired, though, almost like if he had just run a marathon.

"Here we are," Thomas announced, parking the car close to the ER. He took an ID out of his pocket and left it on the dashboard so people could see it through the window. It was probably a Med Student permit to leave the car in the doctors' parking spots.

"Perks of being a med student?" Castle commented. He liked not having to walk from the general parking lot to the hospital, especially as he was too tired to do so. Thomas was definitely getting some extra points with him.

"This is where I do my shifts," the med student explained proudly.

The writer followed his daughter and Thomas inside the Emergency Room, his gait slow, but he managed to do it alone. The ER was crowded with people with 'real' emergencies.

Kids with broken bones. The ambulance's siren. People bleeding. Babies crying. Alarms. Beeps. Sounds. The beeping coming from the nurses' station. Mothers sobbing. Cries. Screams. Loud sounds. More noise.

Castle looked from one side to the other. There was too little oxygen, he could hardly breathe. The writer leaned on Thomas, who held him and guided him to an empty wheelchair.

"I don't need a wheelch..." he started to protest but was interrupted by something he saw. The writer opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman getting a coffee in the machine in front of them.

"Castle?" she started looking at him with a shocked smile when she saw him. Then she realized where they were and the fact that he was sitting in a wheelchair. "What happened? Are you ok?"


	13. Chapter 13

I'd like to personally thank my as-always-awesome beta, Wolfergirl, who wrote this chapter because I didn't have time for it.  
Thank you, Alex! You can't imagine what this means for me; you are a lifesaver.

Hope you guys enjoy.  
I know I love reading Alex's writings :D

AV

* * *

"Kate, what are you doing here?" Castle asked, half grinning, half terrorized by her sudden appearance.

"My dad had the first symptoms of a heart attack, or at least, that's what he says," Kate explained. "Turns out his shoulder pain comes from playing too much baseball on the Wii."

His grin broadened and tension visibly disappeared from his body. "Alexis used to tell me off for that. She even rationed my time on Guitar Hero." He sent a playful pout over his shoulder at his daughter, who smiled gently down at him.

"Mr Castle?" He turned his head to see a doctor walking towards them.

"Oops, got to go." He offered a smile to the detective and she gave a small wave as he followed the doctor down the corridor.

"Ok, so we think you just had a mild overdose of your prescribed medication. Just make sure you keep it to three tablets every six hours at the most. Have you got a carer, or someone who lives with you?"

"That's me," Alexis jumped in. Castle stared at her with his mouth open.

"Alexis, no! No, she's not my carer," he tried to explain to the doctor, but the redhead put her hand on his arm and made him look at her.

"Dad, I'm moving back into the loft. You need someone to watch you in case something happens again like it did today."

"No!"

"Dad-"

"Alexis, I've already taken your childhood away! You've had to pull out of college – I can't do that to you for a second time. Please, I can manage, I can always call Kate if I need anything, and I have you on speed dial."

"Is that what you think?" Alexis' voice was quiet, and began to quiver. "Do you really think you took away my childhood? Dad, I love you. I don't care that you spent the last five years in some mental institute. You're my father. My childhood is meant to be spent with you. Just because it was a little bit different and I was the one looking after you doesn't mean my childhood was ruined."

Castle didn't answer, staring at his feet and twiddling his hands together. Alexis sighed. She crouched down so she was on the same level as her father and placed both hands on his knees.

"Dad, it was my choice to look after. It's my choice now. Please daddy, let me do this. I love you. I don't want to see you hurt."

His answer was a minuscule nod as he reached out and stroked the cheek of the remarkable woman in front of him he had the honor to call his daughter.

"You're still here?" Castle asked, shocked. Kate nodded, taking a step towards the writer.

"Yeah, the doctor wanted to run some other tests. Check for anything out of the ordinary, you know. Routine stuff apparently." There was a pause as Alexis leant over to kiss her father's cheek, murmuring something about coffee with Thomas before making herself scarce. Kate and Castle sat on the cold plastic chairs. "Why are you here? I thought you'd been discharged?"

"I had a mild overdose, apparently," Castle shrugged and didn't meet her eyes. "Nothing to worry about. I'm ok, taking each day as it comes."

"Really? A visit to the ER doesn't exactly scream 'healthy' to me, Rick." Kate searched his expression with concern, leaning closer to inspect his tired face.

"I'm fine, Kate," he snapped. At the harsh tone of his voice, she recoiled, hurt flashing through her eyes as she sat back. His heart leapt into his mouth. He hadn't wanted to be mean, or rude. He didn't want to ruin his only friendship. "I'm sorry," he apologized hurriedly. "Kate, I'm sorry. I – there's a lot to get used to, and I'm still not used to my meds, and I get lonely, and I'm worried about Alexis, and I don't know-"

"Hey." She patted his hand affectionately as she interrupted his blabbering. "It's alright, Castle. I understand. Look," she stood up and smoothed down her coat. "I have to go. I'll pass by your apartment one day, say hi. Keep you company for a bit." He stood up too, and they shared an embrace. She was almost as tall as he was, and he found he could quite comfortably rest his head on her shoulder. He breathed in deeply. He wanted to memorize the feeling of her body locked in his forever. That way when he was by himself he could pretend she was there with him.

"You smell like cherries," he mumbled without thinking. Her tiny hiccup of a laugh reached his ears and he let out a genuine beam as she wandered off, a final greeting thrown over her shoulder.

"Bye, Castle."

He watched her go with a wistful expression tinged with happiness. He had never hallucinated smells. That meant that he could start distinguishing the reality from his imagination. But most important, finally he had something to distinguish Kate from Nikki. Cherries.


	14. Chapter 14

Ladies and gentlemen; chapter 14!

I hope it finally starts answering some questions :)

I won't be able to upload in at least one month. Two reasons;  
1st; I have two weeks of studying-like-hell ahead of me and then my family is visiting for the summer holidays.  
2nd; my awesome beta, Alex, will be off those days so she won't be able to correct what I write - if I write - and I won't update a mediocre chapter.  
- Note for those who follow our other fic, Queen of Thieves: QoT will be uploaded weekly since we are ahead of time and the chapters are already written and corrected :)

Anyway, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review!

A.V

* * *

After the overdose occurrence, Richard's week had passed with no other incident. Alexis had moved in with him, and it was not like he wasn't thrilled to live with his little girl again; but he couldn't help but feel guilty for taking away another part of her life. Alexis has passed her childhood between divorces, her teenager years in a mental hospital and now her college time, the most fun part of a human life, was also ruined.

Another highlight of his week was that he had gotten a text from Kate. Apparently she and Alexis had kept in touch after they first met, something to do with Alexis wanting to study criminal law, and that was how Kate had his phone number, and how her phone number was saved in his smartphone. He liked Alexis hanging out with women like Kate - growing up his daughter never had a proper role model, and Kate was everything a father could wish for his daughter to be; she was independent, she was determined, she didn't back off, she was kind but not naive, she was tough but not mean.

Since Kate had just solved a very complicated case she had invited him to eat any type of take-out food at her place. They had settled for pizza.

Beckett's place was small but cozy. There were not many walls and doors in the apartment, which he liked. He had realized that ever since he got out of the mental institute he loved open spaces; the fact that his kitchen and living room where completely connected made him feel relaxed. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had spent the last five years between four walls and a small window.

Kate's library had an interesting collection of all genres. He passed his fingers over the books' spines he silently read the titles. She had a lot of crime novels. He never thought that a homicide detective would read criminal literature - it was like taking work to your house. He definitely couldn't picture Josh Davidson watching _Grey's Anatomy_. A smile appeared on his face when his finger stopped above one of his own books: _Flowers for Your Grave_. He took it out and when he opened it, a little piece of paper fluttered to the floor. Richard picked it up and recognized his own handwriting.

"You went to one of my signings?" he said reading what had he written on the paper. She nodded.

"We even talked for a while."

Richard was sure that Kate had made an impression on him, as the signature was not the common message he wrote to his fans. It said: '_Not all awesome characters are men - Richard Castle._' Why did that sound so familiar?

"Why didn't you say so?" Richard asked, still trying to remember their conversation.

"You didn't ask," Kate replied, shrugging . "You talked to a lot of fans in your golden days, I didn't expect you to remember it," the cop explained, not giving importance to it. To Castle, however, it meant the world. The biggest mystery of his mind was about to be solved.

Richard tried to remember the day. He thought until it started to hurt. And then, he remembered.

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

* * *

It was a sunny day in New York, and he was signing books at some local bookstore when a tall brunette came up to him. Her hair was short but her eyes were unmistakable; it was obvious that she was Kate Beckett. The writer remembered she waited for hours, like the rest of his fans, to get his autograph, but when her turn was up she didn't have a book with her.

Instead she started talking.

"Why are all the awesome characters men?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" He remembered how confused he had been at that time. Now it seemed perfectly normal, at least perfectly Beckett.

"James Bond, Derek Storm..." she continued. A man from security came to make her leave but Castle signed to him to let her stay. "And Sherlock Holmes, to mention some of them."

"There are some awesome women too..." he pointed out struggling to remember one, but fail.

"No, not really," Kate stated. "If I was a writer, I'd write about a super cool woman." She was lost in her thoughts. Rick smiled at was not a normal fan. "She would be a police woman; really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job."

"And kind of slutty," Rick smirked. She raised an eyebrow. "Do you want an autograph?" he finally asked, feeling kind of stupid.

"Oh," she said as if she had forgot something. "Here." She handled him a book she had hurriedly taken out of her backpack.

It was not his latest book. It was not even written by him. The book's title was _Understanding Criminal Law_. The writer looked at her in confusion.

"Yeah, I heard that you were signing books when I was already at college," the brunette said excusing herself. "I'm Kate, Kate Beckett."

Castle smiled at her. Boy, she was a strange girl, but a good strange. He scrawled on the book's title page-words and gave it back to Kate.

"It was nice meeting you, Kate," he said with a smile. "And I'll consider a female character if I write another book series."

She held the book tightly to her chest and smiled at him; and, without saying another word, she left the bookstore.

* * *

_END OF THE FLASHBACK_

* * *

"Boy, you were weird," he pointed out with a chuckle when he finished remembering their first encounter. She let out a laugh.

That had been so many years ago. Kate had been another person back then.

"I liked you," Richard said. "I still do."

A smiled brightened Kate's face, and their eyes locked. Richard felt an almost forgotten sensation. Was he actually having butterflies in his stomach? The things this woman made him feel. He had an urge to close the space between them and kiss the NYPD cop.

Then the bell rang and the moment was ruined. Their gazes broke apart and Kate started walking towards the door, leaving the writer alone by her bookshelf. Part of him was glad, as he was sure that kissing Kate would have ended with an ugly outcome. The other part was still tempted with the prospect of tasting her lips.

"C'mon, Castle." Beckett walked towards the kitchen. "The pizza's gonna get cold."


	15. Chapter 15

Well, yesterday during my hair saloon appointment I got inspired and managed wrote the chapter -it's a nice way to kill time when you have nothing else to do. Alex corrected it and here it is.

Alas, after this chapter a 1 month long hiatus will start - Nope, no more hair saloon appointments :P

Enjoy summer, and don't forget _Queen of Thieves_ will still be weekly updated

Vicky.

* * *

He had always disliked the sound of a ticking clock; it had annoyed him since he was a little boy. But he had never hated the sound more than when he started out-patient therapy with Dr Davidson. Especially when both doctor and patient were silent. Josh would watch the writer, making notes about his silence and body language; and Castle would stare at his palms, wishing to be somewhere else.

_Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock._

Seconds and minutes passed.

_Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock._

Time that would never come back.

_Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock._

Time that he could have spent with Alexis or Kate.

Castle felt himself getting older by each second he passed at the doctor's office. He raised his sight to meet Josh's and began to tap his fingers against the chair's arm.

"Are we anxious?" the doctor said, staring at the writer's fingers.

"Not at all," Castle lied. It was a white lie. He just wanted to get out of that place. He had wasted five years of his life and now every second counted.

Rick looked outside the window. It was a beautiful day. Maybe he could call Kate to see if she was free and invite her over for a picnic. He shook his head - of course she was not free, it was aTuesday morning. He could pay her a visit! He bet she wouldn't mind a coffee.

A brilliant idea lit up his face. Maybe there was a way he could be with her, even if she was working. He was friends with the mayor, and if he managed to get permission from the mayor to work with the NYPD under the pretext of research, he could be with Kate.

"What are we thinking about?" Josh asked.

"Who's the current Mayor?"

"Of New York?" the doctor replied with another question.

Castle nodded, not saying what he was thinking: 'No, of Paris! Of course of New York, you idiot.'

"Robert Weldon won the elections for second time in a row," Josh answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Trying to catch up with the real world," Castle lied for the second time. He then noticed their time was up. "Well, we're done for today." The writer stood up. "It was a pleasure, as always." Third lie, maybe he should start counting them. "See you next week, Doc."

Richard left the Doctor's office without even hearing the diagnosis or whatever it was that Josh had to say, or whatever the good-for-nothing shrink had to say. The cab he had taken to get to the institution was waiting for him at the same place where it had left him.

"Where to, Mr Castle?" the driver, a Latin-American guy called José, asked once Castle had close the car's door.

"NYPD's 12th precinct." José typed the name into his GPS and after the device started talking and giving directions to follow, José started the engine.

Richard used the ride to call his old friend, Robert Weldon. They hadn't talked since the accident, but they had always been good friends. Plus, the mayor was a major fan; he had been thrilled when Castle called and quickly gave him permission to join the force for research. Robert was excited to know that Richard would start writing a new mystery series. More lies: great.

José left Castle in front of the 12th precinct. The entrance was crowded with police officers that were taking a break to smoke a cigarette before going back to their jobs.

Before entering the building, Castle crossed the street and bought two coffees. He didn't know what Kate's order was, but he decided to risk it and get the same one Nikki drank, at least in his imagination; Grande skim latte, two pumps sugar free vanilla.

The writer asked a policeman in the entrance for the homicide department, and after explaining that he was a friend of Kate Beckett the man gave him directions for how to get to his friend's working place.

It was not hard to find Kate after he got to the homicide department. Even if she was sitting with her back facing the elevator, Castle would recognize her wavy brunette hair anywhere.

She was talking to her colleagues, giving them orders. He had seen Kate working, but never in her natural habitat. Among her co-workers, Kate seemed fierce. The two men listening to her nodded and instantly returned to work.

Castle put the coffee he had got for her next to her keyboard as he sat on a chair that was by the side of her desk. She shifted her eyes from the computer's screen to her mysterious visitor and her face brightened when she saw who had got her coffee.

"Castle!" she said with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I got bored at therapy." Well, at least he was honest with her.

"Really? I can't imagine being bored with Josh as company," she teased and drank her coffee. "How did you know my order?"

"I'm a stalker, but don't tell anyone," he joked. Kate suppressed a giggle. "I get extremely lucky at educated guessing."

Castle liked being with Beckett. Even if she was staring at her screen and he was staring at her, he was happy he had gotten permission from the mayor to work at the precinct for a while.

"Yo, Beckett!" a Latin-American detective said as he and another detective approached to Kate. He was about to say something when they acknowledged Castle.

"Oh, Javi, Kev," the female detective said as if she had just remembered that Castle was not part of their team. "This is Richard Castle; Castle these are Detectives Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan."

They shook hands. After getting Beckett's confirmation that he could speak in front of Castle, Detective Esposito started talking about a case.

Apparently Lanie, who Castle deduced was the Medical Examiner, couldn't find anything on their victim except a needle insertion on one of his legs.

"She thinks someone injected hazardous levels of potassium into our victim's blood," Detective Esposito concluded. "But she's waiting for the drug tests results to be sure about it."

"You know," Castle commented stopping Kate from whatever she was about to say. "KGB agents used a technique called 'Bulgarian Umbrella' to get rid of their enemies during the Cold War."

The two male detectives looked at Kate, who shrugged.

"Well, Castle," she said. "Our victim is not a KGB enemy. I think it's safe to say that he was not killed by an Ukrainian Umbrella."

"Bulgarian," Rick corrected her.

The female detective was about to reply to Castle when a dark skinned woman looked out of her office's door.

"Detective Beckett," she said emotionlessly. "A word, please."

Kevin and Javier teased Kate as she walked down the department to the office. From what they were saying Castle figured the woman was their captain and her last name was Gates. Beckett closed Captain Gates' office door behind her and the two women started a conversation.

Gates didn't seem very happy about whatever she was talking with Beckett, and Beckett looked surprised. At least a couple of times she looked at Castle with an infuriated look in her eyes.

"What do you think it's going on?" Ryan asked Esposito.

"I think she's telling Kate that I'll tag along for a while," Castle replied, causing both men looked at him. "I'm friends with the mayor." He explained to clear things up.

When their meeting was over Kate walked towards the three men with an annoyed look on her face. The detectives and the writer knew that that face meant trouble; Kevin and Javier returned quickly to their working desks, leaving Richard alone and with no escape route.

Kate looked at him, slightly swallowing her cheeks and shaking her head in disapproval but not saying anything. She sat down and continued with her work. Her eyebrows were furrowed, but Castle didn't know if she was still angry at him or at the complicated case they were trying to solve. Even when Kate was angry, she looked kind of cute.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that the lead character will be a woman?" Kate looked at him: half amused, half annoyed. She was thinking about a good answer when her phone rang.

"Yes, we'll be there," she said to the person on the other end of the phone and hung up. "C'mon, Castle," Beckett said, standing up. "You still have to meet Lanie."


	16. Chapter 16

UPDATE! yes :D

I have to thank Alex for two things. First, telling me to write this chapter - very discreetly. And second, for checking grammar mistakes and whatever non-sense I write - except the last paragraph that I added after she made the corrections.

Also, I'll be absent for a while - again. You have no idea how much it bothers me, but I have 3 big exams coming up. So, until September 24th I won't be able to update, sorry :(

Other than that: enjoy.

A.V

* * *

Doctor Lanie Parish was everything Castle hadn't expected. She was better than the imagined versions the word 'doctor' brought to mind. She was attractive - not enough to make him forget about Kate, but attractive nevertheless. She wore her long black hair down and her makeup was flawless. Her dark skin shone. It was obvious the doctor had a healthy lifestyle and took care of herself.

He had always wondered how women did it, how they managed to always look beautiful. Take Kate for example: even the times when she visited him after having long shifts she looked like a model. The way she ran her hand absent-mindedly through her wavy hair with her hands, or the way her eyebrows furrowed when she was thinking - if Kate had been a portrait, even the greatest artists would be envious of whoever had painted her.

Rick moved his thoughts back to Lanie. No ring, he noticed; Rick wondered what her story was. Maybe she had an affair with some co-worker. Maybe one of the men that worked with Kate. He had noticed that Ryan wore a ring, and he knew that being married didn't mean you'd never had an affair, but Castle couldn't picture Ryan as the cheating type. Then there was Esposito, who also didn't have ring; maybe he was Lanie's secret boyfriend. They even had the same cultural background. Yes, Lanie and Javier Esposito were definitely having a hot hispanic affair.

He shook his head to make his thoughts go away.

"So, you think someone injected him with potassium?"

"I'd be speculating. There's no way we'll ever know that," Lanie replied. "Potassium leaves no trace, but I can't think of any other reason that would cause a heart attack on a healthy young male."

"That's not enough to make an arrest." Rick could sense that Beckett was frustrated.

He was also frustrated. He wanted to tell Kate how he felt about her, but he couldn't help but wonder if they were only friends. Besides, now they worked together, and he knew that dating a co-worker was against the rules. And unlike Lanie and Javier, Kate would never break the rules.

But some rules were meant to be broken.

He wondered if Kate had a wild side. He was dying to see it - if it existed.

"What do you think?" he heard Kate asking him.

He had no idea what she was referring to. He hadn't heard anything that Lanie had said to Kate, nor the questions the cop had asked.

"I agree with Doctor Parish," he replied, trying to sound convincing.

Both women looked at him confused. "We were talking about your umbrella," Kate said.

"Oh, what about it?"

"You weren't paying attention," the cop stated, crossing her arms.

He cleared his throat. "I was... thinking."

"About?" Rick didn't reply. "Castle, if you are going to follow me while I work you could at least try helping," she said after a moment of silence.

Lanie agreed with Kate that she'd dig some more about the umbrella used by the KGB, even if Castle had insisted that the poison left no trace in the body, and would get back to the cop.

Rick followed Kate out from the morgue and onto the streets of New York.

"Can I ask you something, Kate?" he asked her after he gathered the courage.

"Will it stop you if I say no?" she teased him with a smile.

"Am I _friendzoned_?" he inquired. Kate looked at him and burst into laughter.

"Friendzoned?" She was amused by the term. "What are we? Ross and Rachel from 'Friends'?"

With the difference that Rachel and Ross ended up together and with a daughter, thought Castle.

"Do you want to be in my friendzone?" Kate asked him. She looked serious, but her tone was gentle, even sweet.

He breathed deeply, knowing what his answer implied. It implied admitting his feelings, it implied that everything they had could end. "No," he confessed.

She looked at him and smiled. "Good." Kate locked her fingers with his. "Now, any other stupid questions?"

Rick shook his head. "Maybe in a day or two." Even if she nudged him softly with her elbow, his comment made her smile.

The coziness from Castle's hand intertwined with hers warmed her more than a bonfire during a cold camping night. It felt good; better than anything she had felt before. She felt complete. Kate remembered that one time she had slept at Rick's room when he was still in the mental institution, how he took care of her and how full of joy she had felt.

Kate knew that she shouldn't be having any type of relationship with Richard, especially since he started working with her. Plus, she had been keeping secrets from him: she knew about his hallucinations; then again, he hadn't say anything about his hallucinations either. They where both keeping secrets and secrets were like a time-bomb, that's what her mother used to tell her, no matter how hard you try, secrets will always come out.

_Someday._

Someday she'd be faced with that situation, someday she'd have to tell Castle that she knows about his mental problem and Castle will have to open up to her.

But not _now_.

Now they were perfectly fine and, at the moment, that was everything that really mattered.


End file.
